Sinner or Saint
by xRaevyn
Summary: Max was practically determined to figure out why Kate had been so reclusive as of late. That's why she'd approached her. Little did she know that what Kate had been hiding all along was more shocking than anyone could imagine. (MARSHFIELD)
1. How Should I feel?

Max had been sitting in her room for the longest time, going over the events of the past week in her head over and over again, trying to understand where she went wrong. She understood that Kate had just returned from her hospital trip, but avoiding Max entirely? Something seemed entirely off. Max fumbled with her phone, scrolling through their conversations and analyzing every word. "This still doesn't add up..." She scrambled to her feet, heading out into the hall and down to Kate's room.

 __ _ **KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.**_ _"Kate? You in there?"_ The voice was all too familiar to the blonde who was sitting at her desk, catching up to the assignments she'd missed while taking a break from school. "Yes, Max. I'm here. Come in." She called out, not bothering to so much as turn around as the hipster entered the room. "Hey." The shy, quiet girl spoke over her shoulder, feeling the glare of Max's concerned look burn into her back as she worked diligently.

Max frowned uneasily as she noticed Kate casually dismissing her presence in favor of work. She understood that homework was a priority, but even Kate would normally take a break to converse. "Uh... How are you doing?" Max asked, breaking the silence that had awkwardly fallen between them.

"Well enough..." Kate's tone seemed almost dismissive of Max's question, and she didn't so much as pause her dexterous hands as they worked. "Yourself, Max?" The Christian's words appeared rushed, as if she were trying to avoid speaking altogether.

"I'm uh..." Max seemed to fall into a daze as she looked for the right words to say. Her mouth was open but nothing seemed willing to come out, like her brain had lost all senses and become detached from the situation entirely. "I'm worried, Kate..." Max managed to say at last, frowning again when her mouth at last came to a close.

The phrase was all Marsh needed to hear before her diligent hands stopped and she turned to face Max, meeting the frown with one of her own, a concerned frown that seemed almost like a pout. "What's wrong, Max..."

Max twiddled her thumbs, looking somewhat puzzled that Kate hadn't figured out that the problem didn't lie with Max, but rather with her. "Well... I'm worried about you, Katie..."

"Oh..." Kate blinked back surprise and shifted uneasily in her chair. "I'm fine, Max... All thanks to you..." The blonde flashed a smile to the hipster who didn't seem all that convinced. "But, if I may ask, what has you worried about me?"

Max swallowed. What could she possibly say now that would justify her state of... dismay? No that wasn't the right word, more uncertainty than disappointment. "It's just... you've been rather distant since you returned from the hospital, and I understand that you have homework to catch up on and tons of other things that you're probably dealing with I just... feel like you've been... avoiding me... I know, it's stupid..."

Kate's face slumped into a frown as Max confessed her state of concern, a wave of guilt washing over her. She knew that Max was entirely right in thinking this way, for in fact, Kate had actually been avoiding her in general. But if she opened her mouth to speak now, she'd have no idea how to justify herself- not to mention she'd have to admit to having somewhat romantic feelings for Max, which was utterly frowned upon by every church or bible study she'd ever attended. The faithful christian thought that time away from Max would help relieve her of the ungodly thoughts running through her head, but now, more than ever she had felt the weight of her convictions. She never meant to hurt Max, especially not like this.

"Max, I'm sorry... I guess I got too absorbed into being back that I cut off the people I care about..." She said at last, grabbing Max's hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. "I promise I'm okay. And I promise after I'm finished getting caught up we can hang out just like we used to." Watching Max smile again seemed to put something inside of Kate at ease as she smiled back.

"Alright, Katie. Sorry for getting all paranoid on you." Max said, hugging the girl in front of her quickly. "I guess I just missed you a little too much." A blush formed on Max's face as she laughed nervously and scratched the back of her head. This caused Kate to blush too.

"Well I promise after I'm up to speed, We can hang out again. Just don't worry too much about it. Okay?" Kate wasn't sure if she could handle being alone with Max for such a long time with the way her heart kept trying to leap out of her chest with every smile, laugh and warm touch that came from the girl before her.

Max thanked Kate for her reassurance and left the girl to her work without a second thought; the second that Max closed the door, Kate felt something stirring up inside of her. How was she going to survive this?


	2. Break The Silence

Everyone could tell something had been amiss ever since Kate had gotten back. Some of the observers could practically feel the tension between the two friends build during the day as classes started becoming somewhat normal again. The glances of worry Max shot at Kate were never once met, instead, the girl pretended to be entirely aloof to the situation. Sure there were times when she'd eventually steal a glance in the brunette's direction, but never had she once met Max's gaze; the stare Max had was sharp, like daggers, boring into Kate's very soul, searching for something that would justify this new and irrational behavior she had.

, as per usual, was consistently chattering away, practically for the sake of listening to himself speak, and yet again, failed to recognize the symptoms of behavioral change in one of his brightest students. As the bell rang, he dismissed the class, reminding them of the deadlines that lie ahead and what he expected from each of them as they headed out the door. Max had been quick to jump to her feet, carelessly sliding her things into her bag before practically rushing to Kate's side, eagerly rocking on her heels.

"Hey Kate. How are you feeling today?" Max asked, trying to act casual and not like she'd been watching the girl for the entire class period. The somewhat cheerful tone in her voice was a great mask to hide the concern which wouldn't slip by undetected otherwise.

Kate had been carefully packing her things up when Max had approached her so abruptly, and it had caused her to drop her pencil in surprise. "Uh- Hey, Max- You startled me..." Before Kate could bend over to pick up her pencil, Max had already handed it back and apologized. "No no, it's okay, and to answer your question, I'm fine. Thank you for asking." She said in a sort of dismissive tone as she began to move a little faster when putting things in her bag now. "I-I better get going. Don't wanna be late for my next class." Kate excused herself from Max's presence and made a slight dash for the door. Max could only frown as she watched Kate escape from her yet again. What had she done wrong?

~Later~

Kate had found a nice tree on the campus grounds to plop down under and study. It'd been a while since she'd actually spent any time outside and that stay in the hospital had reminded her to cherish every second of outdoors she could. She'd been so absorbed into the readings had assigned that she almost didn't hear the figure that was sneaking up on her.

"Hey Kate~" The sudden voice of Max had startled the girl out of her reading trance as she glanced over to notice the hipster sitting down beside her. "Hey..." The shy christian smiled a little at Max, trying to seem polite. "Sorry about earlier, I-"

Max cut Kate off quickly. "No, no, don't apologize, I get not wanting to tarnish your otherwise perfect attendance." Kate nodded slowly to this retort and cleared her throat. "Yeah, right... That... Thanks for understanding, Max." Honestly, Kate had forgotten entirely about her perfect attendance record. It'd been entirely shattered from the day she... well... let's not go into that...

"Can I ask you a question?" Max leaned in as she spoke, causing Kate to shift uneasily and pray to god that Max couldn't hear her heart flutter in her chest. "Y-yeah. Sure, Max. Shoot." She tried to sound calm so as not to seem suspicious, it failed. "What's really been bothering you, Kate?"

 **Silence.** _'Honestly, you.'_ is what Kate wanted to say, _'You have stolen my heart and I need you to give it back.'_ She added in her head as she bit her tongue to avoid spilling her internal thoughts. "It's nothing to worry about, Max... I'm just..." _'in love with you, sinning on so many levels, apparently really bad at hiding my distress...'_

"Just... what? Kate, you can always talk to me." Max shifted a little closer, putting an arm around the other girl's shoulder. "No matter what..." Kate could feel her face turning a little pink as she resisted the urge to lean into Max's warm, gentle touch. "Max..."

Max pulling Kate closer was a double-edged sword, making her feel both at ease and like her heart was racing against time itself. "Yes Katie?" The gentle voice practically whispered in her ear. "If I tell you..." Kate began, biting her lip. "Promise me it won't affect our friendship."

"I promise." Max looked at Kate, a glint of curiosity in her blue orbs. _'Here goes nothing, Kate. Say goodbye to your dignity and possibly hello to your one way trip to hell.'_ Kate took in a sharp breath before breaking the silence. "Max I... I think I love you..."


	3. Shattering & Fragmented

_Max was still, like the world had stopped from something so gentle as Kate's stammering voice. How should she react? What could she say? What would help bring the girl in front of her less heartache? But most importantly, in this moment that seemed to stretch for an eternity, Max had to decide... How did she really feel about Kate Marsh?_

Max stared back at the girl, her eyes widened in shock. "Y-You, what? I... Kate..." She didn't know what to say. She didn't know if she should rewind and pretend none of it happened, save Kate the pain of telling her most well kept secret. But that wouldn't be fair for either of them- for Kate would have to continue in a state of soul-shattering agony, avoiding Max at every turn, and Max who would now forever hold the burden of knowing, never being able to speak up for fear of losing Kate to another state of disarray and perish. If Max was going to speak, she'd have to do it now before the reticence had time to settle in, a cadence of unnerving torment, silence swirling between the two of them in unwieldy awkwardness.

After a moment of collecting her thoughts, Max took in a sharp breathe, rewinding just a little and letting Kate speak those words again so to wash away the uneasiness that had defiled the dead air. "Kate... Are you sure you're not developing some sort of hero complex? I don't mean to sound a bit rude since well... Since you just confessed, but I just think it's a bit sudden. I don't want the only reason you love me to be the fact that I stopped you from jumping off the roof..."

Kate looked utterly wounded at that. "You think that's the only reason...? Max, that's not even close..." Kate could feel her voice getting caught in her throat as she spoke, vision blurring from the tears that now threatened to stream down her rosy face. "Just forget it, Caulfield!"

Max reached out to grab Kate's hand as she turned to stand, gently guiding the girl back to facing Max. "Kate, don't go... I'm sorry... I just don't want you making a mistake..."

"Gee, thanks Max. You act like I can't handle myself. You think I'm not aware of what I'm doing? Loving you is a sin, Max... And I made that choice..." The tears won, spilling down her face in trickling streams. Kate couldn't hide the state of exasperation and grief that had struck her like a fatal wound to the chest.

All at once, the guilt poured into Max. She could start over once again, change her reaction, but the more she tested fate, the heavier the burdens of Kate's agonized heart felt. At this moment, it didn't matter; she had made Kate Marsh, Blackwell's precious angel, cry, and for that, Max knew she had to fix everything. Her hand was practically shaking as she reached up to undo the damage she had caused, to go back and fix the shattered heart that lay before her and as Kate spoke those words again, Max bit down on her lip.

"Oh, Kate..." Max placed her gentle caress on the pink plains of Kate's cheek, gently leaning in to kiss the blonde in front of her. Max's lips were soft, despite being slightly chapped and she could feel a fire blazing inside her from such a slight yet incendiary contact between the two girls. "I love you too..." She mumbled, at last as the pair pulled away, now frozen in time, yet again, but this time, in the most perfect way.


	4. No Words Necessary

It was bliss to know that so much comfort and warmth could be found in the simple caress of someone's lips. Honestly, Kate had never felt so at ease in any form of contact, and despite her racing heart, she'd felt like the world was slowing as she faded into a sweet, sensible kiss, shared with Max, of all people. It was satisfying to have some correspondence to her churning inner-thoughts and when Max had said those four words of reciprocation, Kate felt like she'd melted away from the warmth and joy of simply being loved. But then it hurt her, like the moment in a car crash where your life flashes before your eyes, or the second the plot twist thickens and hero becomes villain, or the instant it takes to fall in love, a sudden dastardly realization struck Kate like a blunt force to the head: what would her family say about her now? Now she had taken the plunge of no return, diving deep into the downward spiral of sin; surely everyone would turn to stare at the once saint catholic girl who had brought the eyes of the lord shining down from the heavens to judge those sinful students who walked the wretched halls of Blackwell with their reckless views and careless abandonment of purity. But alas, none of that would matter anymore, for Kate had chosen a new path; she had chosen Max Caulfield, over death, over salvation, and over all things she'd once preached to the world. Kate never believed in forever, but she did believe that it would all somehow work out, as long as Max was by her side to guide her.

Meanwhile, Max had felt the bittersweet guilt of using her rewind abilities against Kate bubbling up inside of her. She knew, be it as it may, that most other options would be to break the Charming, Precious Angel's heart, and that was something she would never quite live down, rewind or not; just the mental snapshot she had taken of the tears that were pouring down Kate's rosy cheeks was enough to send a shiver of solecism through the time-traveler's conscience. Max did, however, feel a spark, a jump-start to the engine that is her heart, when their lips collided and that was enough for her to draw to conclusion that among the many things that made Kate Marsh special, she had also brought Max a new sense of compassion that she seemed to cherish. Love wasn't a word that could describe how either of them felt, those four letters simply could not hold to the task of expressing how deeply they cared for one another; if there ever was a word, Max was sure she would find it, but for now, love would have to do.

The two spent the rest of their afternoon together, chatting away the dissipating daylight, studying for classes Kate had missed, just enjoying being within one another's company, really. Max knew that at some point they would have to have a serious discussion about their future together, and the bumps that lie on the road ahead of them; she had only imagined that this wouldn't go over very well with Kate's family members, particularly Kate's aunt who was already raging up a storm from the Vortex Club viral video. Kate seemed entirely calm, regardless, and for that, Max fell into a similar state of tranquility; both of them reveling in the beautiful simplicity of their deliquescing state.

Maybe it was the quiet resolve that had brought this story to a close, or maybe the reason rested simply with their acceptance; regardless of how they came full circle, the important thing is that with every day that lie in wake, brought a chapter that they wrote themselves, a path carved by choices entirely two them, for every saint has a binding past, and for every sinner, a future of bright possibilities...

 _ **A.N.) Thank you everyone who supported this story, it really means a lot to me, but now that my plot for this particular fanfiction idea has ended, I must draw this thread to a close. Feel free to follow/favorite me for I may post other stories related to this one but for now, This is all. Farewell, faithful readers~**_


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